Four days and counting

I can finally write again. It took three days to get most of the habit out of my system. I'm doing this the hard way. No patches, no gum (except bubblegum) and no drugs. I decided against having anything to help me because the last time I quit actually smoking, I used the gum. Then promptly got addicted to the gum. It took me another six months to quit the gum. So I'm suffering this time.

Today has been the best day so far. No panic attacks where I go running through my house wondering if I've left a cigarette laying abandoned somewhere. My family has been wonderful to put up with me. I have been a bitch. There is no other way to describe my behavior. Meg's pretty much stayed in her room and went to her friends to play. (A good thing I suppose)

The worst is over now I'm glad to say and I think I'm over the biggest hump. I wrote today. The first time since Monday. It felt good to get back into the swing of things. I knew what I needed to write. It flowed, if not perfect, good enough for the time being. Time for revision will come later. I've gotten into a strange habit. One day I plot and work out problems, and the next day I write the next segment of the book.

I wonder if this is the wrong approach? Used to, I would berate myself for not actually getting words down on paper for a day but then I realized that on the days that I physically write new text I more than make up for the word count on the day I missed. Strange isn't it? It's like the words and emotions get all bottled up on those non-writing days and then when I sit down to write I can barely force myself to stop. *shaking my head* My brain is a weird thing. The way I work is strange these days.

However on the days that I'm not really what I call 'writing' I'm still writing in my head. Throwing possibilities to and fro and playing what if. I write them all down in my journal. A sort of this is where this will lead if I go here and then I swap it up and then say but what if you do this? Make the character's do that? It seems to work. Perhaps I'll get faster at this as time goes on...

I'm still saddened by the events in the U.K. It played on my mind yesterday and I couldn't make the images go away.

I'm off to write and look for photographs'...