Today while waiting for my daughter at another of her extra activities, I took my journal out and did a free writing exercise. I sat and wondered if someone asked me where this came from, I'm not sure I could tell them. Not really. You see for this exercise I told myself just write whatever comes into your mind. This was not what I expected. There was no music on the radio, just me sitting in my car in the sunshine. Stranger things have happened I guess.
*************************************************************************************
Not everyone wants to be saved.
Some of us are here because we no longer fit into societies mold.
You can pretend, but you know what I'm talking about, though sometimes I'm sure you wish you didn't. You with your mundane life in the suburbs of some big town that you try to escape from. You have your nice house, with your nice car, and your nice children that they tell you is a requirement for happiness. Yet still, even you can understand can't you?
No. Not all of us want to be saved.
Most of the time we want only to be left alone. To our madness, our self pity and in my case the pain.
Yes. The pain. That is the one thing you can't understand.
I need the pain, you see. I need to wallow in it, to roll around in it until all I feel is the pain.
It's the only way I know I'm alive.
They say the human condition for survival is strong. I beg to differ with them. All I want to do is disappear and become as if I never was at all.
I haven't always been in this place. Once upon a time I had a life like you. A life I loved, but it only takes one thing to change all that.
Are you listening?
Just one thing.
You don't know how precarious life is, how fragile it is until your one thing is gone. It's like the gossamer wings of a butterfly, so easily picked clean from your body. You can never again fly away.
No. I have not always been here.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment