Coming in from the Dark...

When the days become shorter, and the nights become longer, it makes me sigh. It means that the long warm days of summer are almost over.

The days are blessed with the crisp air of autumn, the turning of the leaves from a bright vibrant green to the sweet tint of yellow and orange and every color in between. Tonight I sat on my back deck and watched the sunset. I haven't done this in a long while. It's one of my favorite times of the day. When the sun rides to the end of the sky and turns it such a bright orange pink that clouds look like tiny whispers of gossamer purple thread thrown haphazardly against a backdrop of blue. It reminds me to be thankful for what I have. One, that I have the ability to see such a wonderful thing, and two that I am awake, thinking, and breathing.

My wonderful parents have been here since Friday, and what a true blessing they are. My Mother with her artist's eye for detail and my Father with his logical thinking mind. I took them to Ri-Ra's and have now converted them. It seems to be my one goal in life. *laughing*

My daughter had a good game of soccer, even if they didn't win, she had a good time! We went uptown and wandered along Tryon street and peered into all the quaint little art deco shops, went into the museum of textile art and design. (Mother loved this) They had the most magnificent chandelier made of tubes of twisted glass. I've never seen anything like it and was almost afraid to walk beneath for fear of the thing falling and bashing me over the head. Then we all went and had a yes, that's right, you guessed it...A Woodchuck Hard Cider at Ri-Ra's. I swear the stuff on tap is so much better than what comes in the bottles. I needed it. I needed to relax and evaluate.

Earl and I had a long conversation about my writing and goals and what I think the right path will be...A path that is right for me. Because really there is no set path, no golden light to show you the way. The path is dark and guarded by beasts that will torment you, confuse you, and even make you doubt yourself. The worst part? These beasts are in your own mind. Most of time I can battle them back, but I have to write to do that.

I find that I am happiest when I am learning and writing. And for some time now I feel like I have been stuck in a rut. Remaining stagnant, jogging in place just waiting for someone to blow the whistle and say "Go."

I am no longer in that place.

My brain will not allow me to be in that place. It has a mind of its own and no matter how much I self-doubt myself, it pushes me harder, pushes me forward. Make it better, make it tear at the soul, and make it something to be proud of...

I have realized that I have limitations. I work full time, I volunteer at my daughter's library and read every Monday. My family takes precedence over anything in my life. I cannot continue to burn the candle at both ends. It is not a healthy thing for me to do. So I have made some decisions. They feel like good decisions, and I am at peace with them.

So today's blog is dedicated to "Coming in from the dark" and realizing that you cannot be all things to all people, and that you can only do the best you can do. And then you must go to bed and know that your conscience is clear. Everyone else is on their own.